Minding Our Words and Dress

Tears filled my eyes as I pondered the condition of my remaining mismatched compression stockings, combined with my current temporal situation. I wondered if the lady member in the Family History Center had any idea the effect that she had upon me.

I am so incredibly thankful for the divinely-inspired friendships of my own ward family. None of the women in my ward have EVER caused me to feel the way I felt that day.

I was once again accompanying my friend on her volunteering day at the FHC to use that opportunity to research my own family; when as an answer to a prayer I had just started, brought me to assist this Lady on the computer. While we awaited the computer's piece of the task at hand (populating her family tree after I entered her information), she shared with me her views on the current state of the dress of the women of the church.

Most of her words went in one ear and out the other; since there have been a few occasions even in my own ward, where my eyebrows have been raised.
When she started in on bare legs, she got my attention. Even with the longest of skirts, she stated, there is NO reason they cant go to the effort of at least putting on knee high nylon stockings to come to church.

My skirt was long, and there were members in the FHC that day even wearing jeans; but my bare legs felt conspicuous, and I tucked them further under the chair. It hurt my heart that she thought I didn't care how I presented myself.

In the past two months since my baptism, I have not shared my temporal situation with many people other than very close friends and members assisting me with the practicalities of becoming one of the "covenant people". I have had generous Sisters hand down skirts when I owned none. I have been on the receiving end of much generosity within my ward.

On Saturday night as I laid out my church clothes, as I pondered what she had shared with me the state of my own remaining support hose had me in tears. Then I came to a realization.

If my faith was less than it is, and I had not been gifted with divine friendships within my WONDERFUL ward family; I could EASILY been intimidated into a point that I didn't feel my dressing abilities were worthy of being included in Sacrament Service.

Twice now I have attended the Seattle Temple to perform baptisms for the dead of my family. With her words ringing in my ears, I humbly remembered that I had worn nylons neither time. My clumsiness due to my disabilities causes the practicalities of putting them on in a stall, nearly impossible. Having a broken thumb makes dressing difficult enough without adding the complication of attempting not to snag a nylon.

I am VERY cognizant of presenting myself in the appropriate manner. To this end, I have hand-printed a piece of paper above the mirror I use. When I have my own home, I will put a mirror by the door with this on a wooden sign above it saying:

"If you were to meet Jesus Christ on the street today, would you feel happy with how you look?

NO? Turn around and change! :)"

God is the ONLY one I need to please. Never once have I been told in answer to a prayer that I need to put nylons on for Him to love me!

I do know that "we are all human". I know The Church and the restored gospel are true. Personally, I will make sure from now on that I mind how I approach others, mindful that we are ALL God's children, lest ANYONE be caused to feel by MY words, how I felt after HER words.

Author's note: I was compelled to read this in my Relief Society meeting shortly after I had posted it. To my surprise, after the meeting was concluded, when I walked out of the meeting room, I noticed the Lady who had made those comments, awaiting her ward's service which is held in the same building as mine, at a different time.
We have exchanged many pleasant conversations about family history, and I doubt she even remembers the comments about clothing. The important lesson for me, was that I did, and it causes me to be mindful about what I say to others, daily.
I wasn't wearing nylons that day either. :)

Adult-converted Mormon older "mid-single" Woman AKA: just me

Adult converted older "mid-single" Mormon woman. What a mouthful, what a phrase. Stereotypes, anyone?

From the point of view of WEARING that particular label, as it were, I can ONLY tell you what it means, from MY point. The willing label-wearer.

I came from the background of a person who had a personal relationship with God, and had asked for Christ's assistance on MANY occasions. I also have been answered in one way or another, all my life.

When I desired to come closer to Christ; I asked in prayer how to achieve that goal. I was answered in a personal revelation.

Due to the fact that I sought out the church, rather than the church seeking me out (although some would argue this fact due to the simple truth that the church and it's fallen members seemed to haunt my life this past decade) I may have a different experience than many adult converts. I am only writing about what I personally know. This is MY take on MY conversion.

One of my biggest frustrations, currently, is etiquette.
WHERE is the handbook??? I feel like I am missing a required manual!!
I watch the Relief Society Presidency messages on MormonChannel.org. That helps, SOME. But not all.

What do I talk about, when?? With whom??? 
What is okay, what is going to get me looked at like I have purple spots and a green horn?!

Being a single adult older woman just entering a society that is so centered on family presents a set of awkwardness all it's own. It helps having my granddaughters in the church with the other side of their family being members.

Even before I joined, from fallen as well as current members, I heard the phrase, "the church is true, but the flock are human" or MANY variations such as "the Book of Mormon is true, but the flock have strayed".

Even as a new member, I STILL get the "flock are human" phrase ... sigh. I know we are all human. But, as a "flock", now that I am part of it, I think we need a new "tag line."

Can't we at least ATTEMPT to live up to being a "covenant people?"
I am doing my best. That, to me, is the most important part of my conversion: the COMMITMENT to LIVING the covenants I have made with the Lord!

I STRONGLY desire to live EACH one of the commandments; from here on out.

In that end, I desire to be around people with the same goals. To live up to the promises we made when we were baptized.

The commandments are very simple and well-laid out. In black and white. One thing I have been pretty good at, most of my life, is doing as I am told.

I rallied against it, yes. Sometimes rather loudly. God knows me well, He knows I have an opinion. So He gave me the gift of articulate communication.  It all comes out in the end. I do what I am told, then I either celebrate or complain; either way, I have an opinion about it. Some things never change.

Now, to the things that DO change.

For the last few years, especially since I have not been working at a state job (on disability since 2002); I have not worn a lot of dresses. The skirts that I HAVE worn, could barely be considered belts. 

This is something that not many of my church friends understand about me. Modesty has NEVER before now, been an attribute of my dressing.

Therefor, I first had to eliminate items from my wardrobe that I would no longer need. Halter tops and miniskirts and miniskorts went first. THEN came the underwear that is ONLY required for non-modest apparel (strapless bras, etc.).

Then, to purchase clothes. I was very blessed to have been gifted a few skirts by generous new church friends. Then came the issue that I would have to find something to wear UNDER them. Since I was unaccustomed to wearing skirts, I also owned no slips.

God answered my prayers with cooler weather: I could layer the skirts, since they were similar colors, and wait until my Social Security came in to buy a few slips at a thrift store. It worked wonderfully.

The silly practicalities of becoming the person that I want to be. God has filled my heart so completely with this change; that seeing people running around the streets not even close to how scantily dressed that I know I have been, embarresses me and humiliates me. I feel sorry that they don't honor just how special their bodies are.

This is so different for me. Many people will never understand. I hope some do. The "change of heart" that is spoken about by so many, including in the Book of Mormon; is SO true, and so wonderful.

In the end, I believe that those of us who CHOSE to come to the church as adults, have a LOT to offer the church. We bring with us an enthusiasm for the scripture and for a virtuous life. Many of us have tasted all we ever wanted and more of sin; we LONG for what many born into the church take for granted: righteousness.

We came to the church to fill that hunger, that longing, that had been there since we were born. We have come home.

Going Forth in Virtue with Shame

I FEEL different.

I feel ashamed when I think of my past behavior.
It's not how I want to remember myself. How do I reconcile this? All of these feelings?
I know God forgave me when I was baptized; but SERIOUSLY, the VERY thought of doing any of those things, ever, APPALLS me!

I believe that it is a mercy, that the Holy Spirit has filled me so completely that I feel PHYSICALLY REPULSED at the ideas of certain things that I know I did not that long ago. It's an awful feeling, remembering certain memories.  I feel ashamed. Full of shame. It's something I am having a hard time putting into words.

It was LITERALLY a complete change of heart. It happened quickly. VERY quickly. The moment God told me that I must seek the church and baptism or I would loose that small quiet voice, forever. Only then did I realize how little I had REALLY bothered to listen to it for most of my adult life. I took it for granted that it would always be there, when I needed it.
The thought of loosing it horrified me completely.

At that time, I began changing my behaviors, gradually.

I have since changed: 

• My manner of dress (many items of clothing were removed from my wardrobe completely   - not even layering would work). I RESPECT my body as a child of God. I am a sister to Christ. My big brother wouldn't want me showing my body in disrespectful ways.
• My way of speaking (no more vulgarities)... and it is difficult at times, I will admit. I have had that habit since I was a small child. I am using it as an opportunity to strengthen my vocabulary as well as evaluate the reason behind using expletives in the first place.
• I strive to be a calmer and gentler person.
• The music I listen to: I no longer listen to a lot of heavy metal. Quieter music with a positive message is my preference right now. Especially no drama-filled music (this is VERY difficult for a girl who likes her country!).
• The way I spend my time: I am spending my time between doing my best to help others each day as well as learn more about the scriptures every. I read or listen to scripture at least an hour every day. I have been walking every day. Taking time to play with Athena and get outside. Even on the bad days.

These are changes that have made my spirit SHINE! I have felt BETTER and BETTER inside and out with each progressive change.

Heavenly Father filled me with the desire to only do what I had put my intention behind: Start on a virtuous path. Leave sin behind and walk forward into the LIGHTE!!!

I thank God for His hand in my life. He reached out and grabbed me by the nap of the neck and said "WAKE UP!!!"  LITERALLY. That is how it feels.



A changed heart indeed. A FULL heart. Full to bursting.
I love my Lord.

Heavenly Father, Thank you for all Your heavenly blessings. In Jesus' name I say this. amen.