Procrastination and the Atonement

When it comes to procrastination, I am so thankful for the Atonement.

Sometimes life catches up with me. I get overwhelmed at everything that I haven't accomplished, and I allow my failures to effect my present and my future. I keep hoping that I am done doing that, but I am only human so this challenge presents itself again repeatedly.

The more I have begun to understand the Gospel, the more comfort that The Atonement gives me. I know that my Heavenly Father has the utmost patience in me: after all, it took me 47 years to actually read the scriptures. Once I did, I began to understand the obligation that I had made when I chose to make the Baptismal Covenant.

The one lesson that has repeated itself more than any other this past year, is not to lean unto my own understanding. This lesson is a very difficult one. I have received so many blessings.

Like many people I have received a bit of revelatory blessing, but not complete with clear interpretation. So, on many occasions I have had the tendency to interpret a drop within an ocean; only to find that when I attempted to interpret (read: lean upon my OWN understanding), rather than just follow His promptings, I tended to mistake the ocean for a bucket of muddy water in my back yard.

Heavenly Father has guided my journey so carefully, knowing my heart and my soul and my deepest fears and desires. I know that. I also know that there is an adversary, that Satan knows how to tempt me into doubt and despair. His minions work in the shadows of my fears.

When I start listening to all that I haven't accomplished, all that I haven't done; I am only giving strength to Satan and his demons. I try to remember that, but sometimes that is a more difficult task than others.  Those times I reach for what I know. Time with my Heavenly Father in prayer, reading the Scriptures, listening to General Conference talks and spending time living the Gospel. These last two weeks, I have also spent time with our local Elders and my husband, sharing His Gospel.

I ask those who follow me to be patient with me. My writing is in "fits and starts"; sometimes I publish more than once a day, sometimes it's a few weeks. I truly try to write at least once a week. But life catches up with me. I have too many blessings that I have yet to share. But as they have piled up, the pile has created another reason not to begin on it. Ironically, this post was not even on that pile.

This past month has found me rediscovering reading. After all, I only love to write because I love to read! I have found many blogs of fellow Latter-Day Saints as well as furthering my reading of non-scripture hard-copy books. The Book of Mormon Girl by Joanna Brooks (which lead me to several blogs by the author) and Articles of Faith by James Talmage have been two of my most and favorite recent reads.
I was also excited this week when a casual remark I made on Facebook ended up partially quoted in a fellow-writer's blog. Check it out! :  The Flaming Poo Bag of Life. Loved the title and it more than reminded me of the demons I had been fighting.

Since we are currently living in a house owned by a Jewish friend, there has been much interfaith discussion in our household. This blog was quite interesting and amusing, written by another Latter-Day Saint: How to Host A Passover Meal.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I know that the Atonement is Christ's gift to us. So that the guilt we feel, for those little things as well as those big things is passing. What more gracious and wonderful gift could anyone give anyone.

I pray that everyone has the opportunity to thank our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ for the Blessings of the Atonement during this Easter week. For me, I am busy repenting for the procrastination so that I may enjoy those blessings soon.

Saturday Night – Herding Oxen

My Saturday nights used to be pretty eventful. Sometimes, in fact, back in the LBC (Life Before Church), Saturday nights went on so long, Sunday morning got involved. Sometimes, there was even breakfast.

When my new friends in my new church explained that the only reason for breaking Sabbath was if the “oxen were in the mire”, I took it to heart. I interpreted that as if something that was life or death for a living being, it needed to be taken care of. 

Being so new in the Gospel; I didn’t want to break my observance of the Sabbath & my reverence towards my Heavenly Father for little things that could be taken care of Saturday or Monday. There are six other days in the week, if it couldn’t be done by Saturday night, it can be done on Monday…. right?!

Thus began my exciting Saturday nights…. herding my oxen away from the mire.

I spend Saturday; most especially Saturday night, making sure that I have taken care of little and big things that could become bigger and more immediately important on Sunday. I also take care of those chores that will eat at me while I would rather be sitting and studying my Scriptures or watching a General Conference talk. Or even sitting in quite meditation, pondering after a prayer.

A floor that is begging to be vacuumed or mopped, or an item of clothing I would like to wear to church not being clean;  is NOT a reason I WANT to break Sabbath. I have NO DESIRE whatsoever to break my observance of the Sabbath. So, I spend Saturday doing those things that may have been annoying me since Thursday; but will definitely put me over the edge of annoyance on Sunday if not taken care of on Saturday.

In this way, I will always have busy Saturdays. My oxen and I have a standing date. Kinda like the one I have with my Heavenly Father and Lord and Savior with the Holy Spirit on Sundays.

Have a Blessed Sabbath!

My Best Friend's Role and Absence in My Conversion

It has already started.
Last week, I invited my best friend to join a new church friend and myself to a mid-older singles event.
It was just a little bbq behind a local meetinghouse, but it was where people first assumed I had been baptized by my best friend.

They didn't know just how wrong they were.

Truth be told; I was expecting their assumptions. I expect many more people to assume the same thing. So, before the world jumps to the conclusion that my best friend converted and baptized me, I would like to tell my side of the story, and expose just how much of a misnomer that assumption would be.

I was introduced to Rick, Richard Alexander Larsen Sr., through several people on several different occasions.  He became my best friend after we had both experienced a life event neither one of us had ever imagined: divorce.

Mine was after 22 years of marriage, 3 children and 3 grandchildren. His was after 27 years of marriage 6 children and 14 years of surviving stage IV renal cell carcinoma.
Neither of us were involved in the church at that time.

I would learn of his church history through his words. But I felt his anger at God.

Our histories regarding The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints were opposite: I had once attended sacrament service with a friend of my mother's when I was about 7 years old; He had been born into the light. His family were pioneers in the church, he descended by blood and by Priesthood from Zera Pulsipher & Clarence Larsen. He knew God and our Savior on a personal level. I did not.

We talked about God, Jesus, and spirituality quite constantly. His father and step-mother shared scripture passages with both of us through long phone conversations as well as email messages.

I thought I knew about God; but I did not understand his faith.

But I am getting ahead of myself a bit. When I met Rick, he was in a very dark period of his life. Many people on the outside, and some in his own family, assumed that he had embraced the darkness that appeared to be surrounding him. However, I saw a strange light within him. I was drawn to that light.

He confused, angered and frustrated me.

The intimacy defined by the touch of his forehead upon mine, sweeter than any kiss; left this former teenage mother confused and at times, in despair.
Here was a man who would tell me I was physically beautiful, lovingly call me a spiritually a child, and at the same time say that he also considered me very intelligent! I proceeded to misunderstand his every word.
He appeared extremely attracted to me, but yet did everything within his earthly power to resist acting upon those feelings.

In my mind, we were both divorced adults in our 40's. I saw no evil in the act of physical intimacy. But as he knew, I was spiritually a child. I didn't understand. He did. He tried to teach me. I didn't comprehend what he was attempting to convey.
It was at this point he made a promise to me, to be my friend forever.

My heart was broken. I went searching for answers in the homes of my friends across the country as I traveled and explored the country and the people that I love.

This was October 10, 2010, at 10:10. It was a very binary moment.

I did trust God. I put my life in God's hands as I traveled the country alone. First by train, then by car. First completely alone, only Christ by my side (I prayed constantly); then, in May 2011, my service dog and constant companion, Athena Brooke, joined my travels. Anyone who has ever had a constant companion in a canine knows that there is more of a connection between "dog" and "God" than dyslexia. I swear He communicated through her on several occasions! (but that is a story for another post at another time).

On several occasions, through my travels, (to the complete and utter confusion of many of our family

Rick & Maggie
2011 Denver, Colorado

members and friends) Rick and I spent time together. He would have an extra couch, or tent, and Athena and I would hang out with him and his dogs, until once again my heart would shatter for what I could not create from our friendship and I would resume my travels. I resumed my search.

In February of this year I finally reached the bottom, and finally started asking God some pretty intense questions. In answer I was impressed to resume the work on my genealogy in earnest, as well as to download the Book of Mormon.  But, as soon as I formulated the idea that I may want to get baptized, demons from hell were unleashed against  me.

My spiritual conversion could ONLY happen alone. 

During most of the time leading up to my baptism, our communication was very restrained.
Not by me, as I was flooding his phone with texts and questions, knowing he knew the answers through the scripture better than anyone I knew.  He had shared scripture stories with me for years; whereas I had never read the scriptures myself until this year.
But he was in a dark place, fighting depression and the demons that surrounded him.
When I messaged Rick, asking him if he thought I should be baptized; his answer (in spite of the chuckle I could FEEL on the other side), was a simple "if YOU think you should be."

After that, in the midst of attacks from every son of Satan; I prayed that God would show me the true church and my path. 
At this point in time, on the 6th of March, I silently wished that it had nothing to do with "Rick's" church.
God knows me, He knows my heart, and I felt the overwhelming answer to my prayer:  My granddaughter's church was the true church.
Yes, my granddaughters and their mother and her mother are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

My path, though, would continue to be a solitary one, in regards to my best friend. I felt him out there.
But in spite of one of the strongest testimonies on earth, he was not attending church.

Speaking of  HIS Testimony, or the reason that the masses would jump to the assumption he converted me; let me expound on that in my brief and broken way:

Rick has survived stage IV renal cell carcinoma for 15 years, so far, after having been given 3 months to live.
He is the only survivor of an experimental treatment program of which the initial numbers were 101.
He was given a Blessing.
He was healed.

I heard him speak his testimony daily for months. As one of his sons has stated, no one can listen to Rick bare his testimony and NOT believe.

Within me, I kept a part of his testimony that only he and I were aware of. I had felt his struggles with the commandments. I had been one of the very tools that Satan used against him.

As my pre-baptismal lessons began, I began to comprehend just who I had been to him. I started to feel the pain of repentance and my contrition was immense, as the sins I had committed against the friend I loved with all my heart became apparent to me. My eyes were being opened, and I was disgusted what I beheld.

I apologized to him, and to his father. I wanted to apologize to each of his children for even the way in which I had looked at him. I just hadn't understood before this spring. Before I studied the commandments for myself, I didn't know just how wrong I had been.

He didn't ever steer me away from the church. In fact, when I went out to explore the country, he told me if ever I needed anything I could always go to The Church. But I fought against it. At that time, it was his "religion" that had kept us from being a couple.

In my immature mind, God had told me "no", and I was a rebellious child screaming "WHY NOT?!?!?!" and kicking and screaming. It took me a few years to calm down from that tantrum and listen to what God was trying to tell me.

As I traveled the country, I received many reminders of the church. I have told the story of Temples at every "wrong turn" as being "stalked by Christ". He was reminding me that He would be there when I was ready. And He was.

Through the last three years, Rick was there for me as well. Through texts and calls and late-night talks, he would tell me stories of his and his pioneer ancestors that inspired my further trust in God.

I now understand that he was sharing his ancestors' testimonies.
Those testimonies of Zera Pulsipher, and that of Clarance Larsen, both Seventies. He was sharing that he understood God.

But Rick remained away from the church, as I took the covenant of Baptism.

The day I was confirmed as a member of The Church, we talked  on the phone for the first time in weeks. As I progressed in my spiritual journey, in my scripture reading as well as my involvement in The Church; our communication grew more frequent once again.

This culminated in our being in a ward meetinghouse together last week. Where, among a few gathered sisters and members of the Brethren, I heard the man I call my best friend call me his lifeline and share his testimony of his return to The Church.

I thank God for the  friendship of this man I can now call Brother Larsen.

Only God understands the complicated people that we all are, and  to each of us He grants us the guides we need and those we can help.
I thank God for every one of the gifts He has granted upon me.  Some of those have been delivered through my best friend, Richard, and the Larsen family.

(note: this was written and published with Brother Larsen's permission)

Holy High-Five, Jesus!!!!

I started to feel like I wasn't saying "thank you" enough to God, and to Christ, for the atonement.

Also for the Gift of the Holy Spirit. I just wanted to feel like saying "THANKS!" as much as I felt thankful.

So, I decided to begin "high-five-ing" towards Christ.

I know it is silly, but it is my way of saying "Thank You, Jesus for all of the incredible blessings that my life has been graced with since my baptism."

So, in the phrasing borrowed from the comics, but in full gratitude and love for my Savior; "Holy high-five, Jesus!!!"

I will continue to raise my hand, in a thank you, I may say it out loud, or I may just silently reach, in gratitude for my savior's love. It all means the same.

His Holy Love and Lighte to ALL! Praise God of Israel! Praise His Holy Son!!! Holy high-five to all!!! :)

Faith in the Small, Still, yet Firm, Voice

When the world around me, is saying one thing, yet that small voice inside says another, it sometimes seems difficult to choose the right.  
Even in small things.

I have prayed to my Heavenly Father to illuminate the my path a bit brighter; I acknowledge that it has taken me quite a long time to find the Light that is Christ and my church home, and I feel the need to ask for a bit more enlightenment in regards to the choices He knows are right for me. That doesn't stop me from hearing the world.

So, when the voices of even the most pure at heart conflict with that small, still voice that is that of the Holy Spirit; it is time for me to turn off the world. "Airplane mode" for me, not just my phone. Taking the time to be quiet and ponder. Contemplate. Listen to and for, the Holy Spirit.

I recently watched several General Conference talks about just that: the need to take time to ponder.
Quietly. I find joy and God's touch in the quiet.
My favorite places to ponder, are in the world that He created. The least touched by man's hand, the better. For me, whether they be the Olympics, the Cascades or the Rockies; the mountains of the world are where I feel God's energy to the greatest extent.

My next favorite place to do it, is while driving. Something I am very thankful to have started to do once again. I missed it. I didn't realize how much.
Having seen so much of the country in the past couple of years; for me it is so easy to see God's hand in it all. It is unimaginable for me that some can not see it. I feel sad for them.

The Holy Spirit is there to guide us in EVERYTHING we do.

Holding the hand of our Heavenly Big Brother, Christ; we CAN stand up to any pressure. If we have FAITH. Faith that His hand is and will ALWAYS be there for us to hold.

A friend of mine recently shared with me that for most people, faith is something they strive for, but don't really feel.
My reaction was immediate and profound: Complete and utter sadness. Grief.

But WHY?!?! Don't they see?!

Don't they know that EVERYTHING good is God?! Don't they realize that the atonement is for them?!

I have been guilty of using the euphamism "the Universe" in the past, when I meant God. No matter what words I used, I could see a greater power.

I have been given the blessing of seeing the world through a new set of eyes. I am able to not only look back and see how God has watched over me all my life; but to also see His hand in every moment I am currently living.
When I catch a hold, when I have lost grip; when I put something in a strange place, just where I would need it next; the Holy Spirit is there.
God's own guide.
A gift to me from Him.
How great is His love?!

My journeys these last few years have truly shown me evidence of the Living God. Every time that I "let go" and completely invested my time and my energy "in the moment"; God showed me why I was there.

Nothing is an accident. There are no coincidences. It is ALL part of the plan. Yes, we have our free agency to choose; but that doesn't negate the fact THAT was foretold as well. As were EVERY choice that you and I were and are destine to make. It is this belief that has led me to the faith that I have.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the Only Begotten Son, that God, the Father sent Him here to show us the way and the truth and the light of life.
I believe that the Holy Spirit is the gift I have received through God to guide me in my each and every decision that I make.
I have faith that everything will happen exactly when and where it is meant to happen.

We ALL have our paths. Not one is the same.  That is why God has given us each the posibility of having our own personal guide through the darkness we can find on this side of the veil. Our own personal lighthouse.

I think of the Holy Spirit as my own personal lighthouse that shows me the right where ever I am. When I am not obeying God's commandments, a dark fog surrounds that light, making it difficult to make out. When I follow the commandments and make and keep new covenants with God, the light becomes brighter and brighter. It illuminates my path.

That was my prayer. I prayed to my Heavenly Father that the path that I should take would henceforth be illuminated a bit brighter, since it has been difficult in the past for me to see, or choose the right that I did see. He has answered my prayers in abundance!


I have experienced many trials in my life; I know that my trials won't be over until my time on this side is done. But I have faith that the Holy Spirit is there to guide me.
All I have to do, is what I am told. Keep God's commandments. Pray for guidance when I lack the knowledge. Keep reading The Gospels of Christ daily. Remember where the true light comes from.

Have FAITH; He is there to guide and direct us.

Post General Conference Ramblings

I find it funny that some people have said that the Latter-Day Saints are like a cult. I find humor because of the fact that although when i had the change of heart, I had a desire to judge others and isolate myself more from those not in the church.
I was counseled by the Lord, and lead to scripture and church teachings that taught me that is against the church's teachings.

In fact; to love ALL is the mandate.

To strive to become Christ-like in ALL actions, but especially to love thy neighbor as He loves us. We are ALL children of God. We are ALL Christ's siblings.

Christ is the ONLY perfect child. The rest of us are sinners. We are imperfect. We are mortals. But we can strive to be worthy of the title of "saint." We can ALWAYS listen to that small, quiet voice, the guidance we are granted by our keeping our covenants. We can choose the right, walk in the light and bring that light to EACH and EVERY being that we touch in our lives.

I love having the opportunity to show God with every choice I make; that I am proud to be His daughter.  Nothing else, really matters.

This weekend, as I listened to President Monson, The Prophet, speak at the General Conference; I was moved to tears on many occasions.
I know that he is the living prophet. Not that I doubted, but I know every time that I have seen him. He has the connection. The "force" is with him.

The women of the church move me with their words. The story of the carpet scripture, touched my heart in many more ways than I can express.
The talks about virtue and redemption hit home.
As I spoke with friends who watched it, we shared how we each felt the answers to our prayers, as if those talking were answering each of our questions; no matter how different the questions. That is the magic of the Lord. He knows. He KNOWS how to touch each and every one of us.

Full of the white light of the holy spirit tonight. It was a glorious general conference.
I wish His holy love and light to all. It is a blessing to be alive and full of God's glory.

Pre-Baptism Reflections & Ponderings

The following are few notes from the journals that I was keeping during my few weeks while I was taking lessons preparing for the covenants I would make in baptism. Most of them are random observations.

• Believing in Christ and walking around unbaptized is like trying to walk around without my long boot laces tied: I have to be extra careful of each little step, lest I trip myself up!
  
• Converts are like butterflies: They are just starting to break out of their chrysalis and need help understanding that they can fly on the wings of being a child of God.

• My goal is to strive to be Christ-like in my thoughts and deeds.
   
•  It did not escape my observation that as soon as Jesus Christ's name was no longer in my prayers, (in my life before the church); the poorer my physical and emotional health became.

• Carnal lust is a tool of Satan. True love is not sexual, but familial based. It is from God. It is righteous and pure. And it is forever.

I will be posting more from my conversion journals in the coming months. I am also working on a full story of my spiritual journey from the first time I remember feeling God, up through my conversion. A work that will remain in progress as long as I am on this side of the veil.


His Holy Love and Light to all.