Procrastination and the Atonement

When it comes to procrastination, I am so thankful for the Atonement.

Sometimes life catches up with me. I get overwhelmed at everything that I haven't accomplished, and I allow my failures to effect my present and my future. I keep hoping that I am done doing that, but I am only human so this challenge presents itself again repeatedly.

The more I have begun to understand the Gospel, the more comfort that The Atonement gives me. I know that my Heavenly Father has the utmost patience in me: after all, it took me 47 years to actually read the scriptures. Once I did, I began to understand the obligation that I had made when I chose to make the Baptismal Covenant.

The one lesson that has repeated itself more than any other this past year, is not to lean unto my own understanding. This lesson is a very difficult one. I have received so many blessings.

Like many people I have received a bit of revelatory blessing, but not complete with clear interpretation. So, on many occasions I have had the tendency to interpret a drop within an ocean; only to find that when I attempted to interpret (read: lean upon my OWN understanding), rather than just follow His promptings, I tended to mistake the ocean for a bucket of muddy water in my back yard.

Heavenly Father has guided my journey so carefully, knowing my heart and my soul and my deepest fears and desires. I know that. I also know that there is an adversary, that Satan knows how to tempt me into doubt and despair. His minions work in the shadows of my fears.

When I start listening to all that I haven't accomplished, all that I haven't done; I am only giving strength to Satan and his demons. I try to remember that, but sometimes that is a more difficult task than others.  Those times I reach for what I know. Time with my Heavenly Father in prayer, reading the Scriptures, listening to General Conference talks and spending time living the Gospel. These last two weeks, I have also spent time with our local Elders and my husband, sharing His Gospel.

I ask those who follow me to be patient with me. My writing is in "fits and starts"; sometimes I publish more than once a day, sometimes it's a few weeks. I truly try to write at least once a week. But life catches up with me. I have too many blessings that I have yet to share. But as they have piled up, the pile has created another reason not to begin on it. Ironically, this post was not even on that pile.

This past month has found me rediscovering reading. After all, I only love to write because I love to read! I have found many blogs of fellow Latter-Day Saints as well as furthering my reading of non-scripture hard-copy books. The Book of Mormon Girl by Joanna Brooks (which lead me to several blogs by the author) and Articles of Faith by James Talmage have been two of my most and favorite recent reads.
I was also excited this week when a casual remark I made on Facebook ended up partially quoted in a fellow-writer's blog. Check it out! :  The Flaming Poo Bag of Life. Loved the title and it more than reminded me of the demons I had been fighting.

Since we are currently living in a house owned by a Jewish friend, there has been much interfaith discussion in our household. This blog was quite interesting and amusing, written by another Latter-Day Saint: How to Host A Passover Meal.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I know that the Atonement is Christ's gift to us. So that the guilt we feel, for those little things as well as those big things is passing. What more gracious and wonderful gift could anyone give anyone.

I pray that everyone has the opportunity to thank our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ for the Blessings of the Atonement during this Easter week. For me, I am busy repenting for the procrastination so that I may enjoy those blessings soon.

But WHY the "Mormon Church"

I have heard people say that they understand my faith in God, but not my decision to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They don't understand why I chose to be a Mormon.
A Latter-Day Saint.

First, I don't believe it was a choice. Even an ex thought I had already been a confirmed member of The Church six months before I had even read the Book of Mormon!

I have always been on this path. God chose me. It just took me 46 years to open my eyes.

I joke about having been "stalked by Christ", or more appropriately, by His Church. In my journeys across the country, I found myself stopping and pondering God in front of temples I had no clue even existed before happening upon them.

Books about the Mormon Trail fascinated me. A people who displayed their faith. And what faith it was, and is.

There are a few facts that I want to share with others, about some of my beliefs that finally found their home:

• The fact that Jesus Christ and God are separate, immortal beings and the Holy Ghost is a separate spirit entity.  
• That God did not cease communicating with us through prophets in the time of the bible. 
• We have a living prophet that receives revelation for the church in these times; his name is Thomas S. Monson.
• We have the right and the obligation to ask for personal revelation in prayer and to listen to the small still voice that is the Holy Spirit. 

I finished reading the Book of Mormon for the first time (just a read-through, I plan to go back and study it diligently after I finish the rest of the Standard Works) on April 30. I believe it to be another Testament of Jesus Christ. I prayed, and was impressed with the knowledge that it is.


The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only church that has ever felt like home. My children and my mother know how long I have searched for the truth. Many of my closest friends have seen my search as well.

I am finally at home.

How Did I Get Here: My Journey to the Church

I first visited a Mormon Church in Shelton when I was a small child. One of my mom's friends was Mormon, and was watching my brother and me on a weekend and we attended church with her and her family.

What do I remember about it? Not much, only that I had to have a long dress (I wore my Easter dress) and I ended up committing a horrid sin later that day on the way home (I used profanity) and my bottom got a beating. I was about 7 or 8 years old.

The next time the Latter Day Saints crossed my path, it was in the form of my best friend. I met him a bit over three years ago. His family had been in the church for many generations. He, himself had held many positions within the church, but his immediate family had drifted away from the church for various reasons.

When I met my twin granddaughters in July of 2010, just days before their second birthday, I was also given the information that their maternal grandmother, Mary, and their mother were members of the church.

My granddaughters were born into the church. It was a realization of an obligation on my part, but it took me another two and a half years to really recognize it. Their father, my son, had never been a part of their life, and it was for the best.  However, I intended to be a part of their life as much as I possibly could.

 

As I traveled across the country and back, visiting friends and learning about myself and my country as well as the people in this world; the church reminded me it was waiting for me. A "wrong turn" put me in front of the Twin Falls, Idaho Temple on such a gorgeous day while I was beginning a trip across the country in 2011, that I felt compelled to take numerous postcard-quality photos of it.



Then, on my way back to Washington in 2012, during a rather difficult part of a depressive state, I saw the Angel Moroni peaking above a hill next to the northbound freeway just north of Independence, Missouri and I pulled over and cried, having known the stories about the Mormon persecution in Missouri. It felt like a redeeming; that they made it back, and were NOT hiding. It was a wonderful feeling.

When I began reading about women motorcycle riders (riding is one of my great loves), I read a book called "Riding in the Shadows of Saints: A Woman's Story of Motorcycling the Mormon Trail" by Jana Richman and in it I learned about much of the history of the Mormon Trail as well as her journey away from the church.

I ended up renting a room from my best friend's sister's family after a horrid event in my life early this year, and I was interested in going to church with them. They were attending an LDS church. They invited me to go along, but every time I was getting ready to join them, the house ended up in upheaval and I shrunk back from the chaos, submitting to the unseen forces that were attempting to keep me away from the church.

When I ended up in a place by myself. I was gifted with time to pray and consider. I began researching the life of Emma Hale Smith, Joseph Smith's wife. Being a woman; I am drawn to the women. Especially the righteous and reverent moms. Their struggles pull at my heart. When I heard that she buried her sixth child on a February 7th, I cried tears upon tears; that is my daughter's birthday.

After considering her story, as well as the copy of of the Book of Mormon that I had downloaded, I prayed about which church is the true church. I knew that Emma had left the LDS Church and had been part of another church altogether.

I investigated, and found that the church that she spun off of the Mormon church, did, in fact, have a branch nearby. And they used the Book of Mormon still, as well. This confused the matter, for me. So, I was left to pray on the matter.

And pray I did. I called out to our Lord on my cold wooden floor of the attic room I was camping in. Lord PLEASE show me the way and the TRUTH!!!

I was answered. VERY directly.

You belong in the True Church. The True Church is that which your granddaughters are already a part of. Follow them so that you may one day lead them. Their very salvation depends on your choices.

Although I have felt the hand of the Holy Spirit in my life all my days, NEVER have I been directed and led so loudly.

I received another message that morning in that cold attic, as I knelt on the wooden floor:
If you do not convert and repent, you will no longer have the gracious guidance that the Holy Spirit has granted you thus far.

WHAT?!?!?!  NO more quiet voice to guide me?!?!?! I was terrified to loose my connection to Christ.

When I got up from my prayers; I immediately called Mary (my granddaughter's other grandma) and asked her if she could have missionaries from her church get me into contact with the right people so that I could learn more about the church that I was being called to, by the Holy Ghost, Himself.

You see, I had been calling every number that I could find on the Internet in my area for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but there was no answer and no machine to leave a message; every number I called just kept ringing. UNTIL I prayed, and called Mary. I wasn't meant to make this change alone.

Mary was overjoyed at learning about my personal revelation. I felt a bond with her that I had never previously felt. Sisters in Christ, we were to become very soon.

That afternoon, I was visited by two wonderful and joy-filled sister missionaries. They brought me my own Book of Mormon, my first. Within a week, they had me on the path to baptism. My lessons became more frequent as my baptism neared, and with each lesson I became more excited.

It is almost embarrassing how much joy I have gotten from reading the scriptures. I literally feel euphoric when studying scriptures, both ancient and modern.

I keep a very detailed journal of my personal experiences, and soon I will share more from my spiritual journey as well, but for brevity's sake, I will say that the ENTIRE experience has been more enlightening that I EVER imagined!!!

My baptism was on March 23rd, and I was so thrilled to be confirmed as a member of my ward on the 24th.

The photo I am attaching is the Sister Missionaries with me at my baptism. I will always love these wonderful young women who have given me the most loving welcome to the true church that I could EVER imagine.
Not only did they begin my learning of the scriptures, with the Lord's guidance, they introduced me to one of the most wonderful friends I could ever imagine having.

Thanks to all of my new church family, as well as my friends and family who have been by my side during this confusing part of my transformation (I have keep many things "close to my vest" during this time).

Sending the white lighte of the Holy Spirit to all, so that perhaps some may also read, and know for themselves that The Book of Mormon is another Testament of Jesus Christ. I have prayed to know the truth, and I was told that I am on the true path of righteousness. I invite all to join me on that path.