Adult converted older "mid-single" Mormon woman. What a mouthful, what a phrase. Stereotypes, anyone?
From the point of view of WEARING that particular label, as it were, I can ONLY tell you what it means, from MY point. The willing label-wearer.
I came from the background of a person who had a personal relationship with God, and had asked for Christ's assistance on MANY occasions. I also have been answered in one way or another, all my life.
When I desired to come closer to Christ; I asked in prayer how to achieve that goal. I was answered in a personal revelation.
Due to the fact that I sought out the church, rather than the church seeking me out (although some would argue this fact due to the simple truth that the church and it's fallen members seemed to haunt my life this past decade) I may have a different experience than many adult converts. I am only writing about what I personally know. This is MY take on MY conversion.
One of my biggest frustrations, currently, is etiquette.
WHERE is the handbook??? I feel like I am missing a required manual!!
I watch the Relief Society Presidency messages on MormonChannel.org. That helps, SOME. But not all.
What do I talk about, when?? With whom???
What is okay, what is going to get me looked at like I have purple spots and a green horn?!
Being a single adult older woman just entering a society that is so centered on family presents a set of awkwardness all it's own. It helps having my granddaughters in the church with the other side of their family being members.
Even before I joined, from fallen as well as current members, I heard the phrase, "the church is true, but the flock are human" or MANY variations such as "the Book of Mormon is true, but the flock have strayed".
Even as a new member, I STILL get the "flock are human" phrase ... sigh. I know we are all human. But, as a "flock", now that I am part of it, I think we need a new "tag line."
Can't we at least ATTEMPT to live up to being a "covenant people?"
I am doing my best. That, to me, is the most important part of my conversion: the COMMITMENT to LIVING the covenants I have made with the Lord!
I STRONGLY desire to live EACH one of the commandments; from here on out.
In that end, I desire to be around people with the same goals. To live up to the promises we made when we were baptized.
The commandments are very simple and well-laid out. In black and white. One thing I have been pretty good at, most of my life, is doing as I am told.
I rallied against it, yes. Sometimes rather loudly. God knows me well, He knows I have an opinion. So He gave me the gift of articulate communication. It all comes out in the end. I do what I am told, then I either celebrate or complain; either way, I have an opinion about it. Some things never change.
Now, to the things that DO change.
For the last few years, especially since I have not been working at a state job (on disability since 2002); I have not worn a lot of dresses. The skirts that I HAVE worn, could barely be considered belts.
This is something that not many of my church friends understand about me. Modesty has NEVER before now, been an attribute of my dressing.
Therefor, I first had to eliminate items from my wardrobe that I would no longer need. Halter tops and miniskirts and miniskorts went first. THEN came the underwear that is ONLY required for non-modest apparel (strapless bras, etc.).
Then, to purchase clothes. I was very blessed to have been gifted a few skirts by generous new church friends. Then came the issue that I would have to find something to wear UNDER them. Since I was unaccustomed to wearing skirts, I also owned no slips.
God answered my prayers with cooler weather: I could layer the skirts, since they were similar colors, and wait until my Social Security came in to buy a few slips at a thrift store. It worked wonderfully.
The silly practicalities of becoming the person that I want to be. God has filled my heart so completely with this change; that seeing people running around the streets not even close to how scantily dressed that I know I have been, embarresses me and humiliates me. I feel sorry that they don't honor just how special their bodies are.
This is so different for me. Many people will never understand. I hope some do. The "change of heart" that is spoken about by so many, including in the Book of Mormon; is SO true, and so wonderful.
In the end, I believe that those of us who CHOSE to come to the church as adults, have a LOT to offer the church. We bring with us an enthusiasm for the scripture and for a virtuous life. Many of us have tasted all we ever wanted and more of sin; we LONG for what many born into the church take for granted: righteousness.
We came to the church to fill that hunger, that longing, that had been there since we were born. We have come home.
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